Often in meditation I go inward seeking an answer or clue to a question that thinking will not deliver. As I close my eyes on this earth, my inner eyes open into the universe. All around me stretching forever, trillions of stars sparkle like diamonds against velvet and fiery, milky galaxies bob in the myriad dimensions. I let words go and slip into mystery, I am a soul poised to take flight, heading out into the real information superhighway in search of pure knowing.
One of the questions I have posed to the universe arose from a place of wondering how exactly to feel at peace after making some 180 degree shifts in my values and lifestyle. Not least among these changes was the release of materialist habits. I’ll admit it, I was a consumer junkie coveting and procuring lots of stuff, cluttering up my life and undermining my financial security. As I began to see this hollow salve for what it was, I soon found myself feeling adrift and unanchored. I realized that all of the things, especially my ability to buy them, made me feel secure. This grounded me and provided a sense of structure, belonging and permanence.
Ultimately with the release of this habit and the stripping away of old comforts, I found myself holding a great sense of loss and emptiness, yet this was one of the first sparks of a great awakening.
In a series of layers I came to fully reveal how limiting and untrue to myself this habit and associated attachments were. Yet still, my sense of permanence and stability and much of my impetus to plan and grow arose from this lifestyle of achievement through acquiring. Layer after layer, I began to see how this construct was in fact one of the greatest sources of insecurity in my life and in many ways blinded me to the essential truths I so deeply craved.
A question began to formulate in a swirl of images, emotions and ideas: something about balance and how to be grounded in this earthly life while being connected to something far greater.
As soon as I began to formulate the question into words, a brightness flashed within me and I knew then that the kind of deep harmony and sense of belonging I seek cannot be drawn from this earthly existence alone. This new awareness told me to seek security and purpose from an eternal and largely intangible source. I began to hear once again the soft whisper that has always been in my heart of hearts, no matter how much it may have been distracted by craving or obscured by life’s grit and material clutter.
And so I am here, on this magnificent journey, alive with questions. I find my little trick of going inward, opening up to the vast information superhighway that is always accessible via the magnetic antennae of the soul, and simply asking, to be a fail-safe tool. I know that I have the ability to tune into the truth and that in my seeking it’s not as much about the ultimate answers as it is about the path the questions lead me down.
originally published on Touchstones of the Sacred